April 3, 2011

Sarah told me how she does this personal blog for her journal where she can post her more personal things as her journal because it is easier for her to type. It is much easier for me to type, so we'll give this a go! On Monday the 28th of March 2011 I found out that I miscarried. It was my third miscarriage. I went in to make sure that there was a heartbeat and when they didn't find one with the doplar ultra-sound tool they took me right in to do a full blown ultra-sound and find out what was going on. When there wasn't a heartbeat they sent me back to the exam room so we could talk with the doctor and find out what was next. We scheduled my D and C for Tuesday. Mom had all her siblings in town for her 65th bday so I didn't call her until wednesday. I didn't want to call her and ruin her birthday by telling her that we were getting a d and c. No family knew that we were even pregnant because we didn't want to tell them until we were past the 14 week mark. I don't know for sure why I am more affected by this miscarriage but I am. I don't know if I just thought that I miscarried last time so it wouldn't happen again or what. In any case, I called Mom again on Wednesday after I had already told her that morning and asked her if she could come visit. We went to pick her up a week later, on Wednesday, and had a day full of errands. Mark got a textbook for this fall from the bookstore at Arapaho CC, we went to lunch at Saigon Palace (mmm....super bowl!), picked up some hockey tickets for Mandy and Mark to go to a game on the 8th, stopped in Loveland to fill out a ride-along form and then finally came home! It was so fun to show Mom this house we love so much and the dressers I have repainted. Thursday I had to go to school. I really didn't want to go while she was here for obvious reasons. But, I hadn't gone twice the week before because of the miscarriage so I didn't feel I had much of a choice. Friday we went to Home Depot and mom bought me some turntables for my spices in the kitchen counter, peat moss for the garden, and a raspberry start. We reorganized my spice cabinets which has made such a difference. She also cleaned up our bookshelf, and did every dish the entire time they were here. I felt so spoiled and LOVED having her here. I love my Mom and sometimes as awesome as Mark is I still need the understanding of a Mother who has gone through this exact thing. It was really hard to see her go. Last night I went into Rodney's room because I just wanted to hold him. I can't feel so bad for myself because I really am blessed. As hard as this last week and almost 2 weeks I just can't feel awful because I have a wonderful husband, beautiful son, a home we love living in, and education possibilities.